Sad.

It's really upsetting to know that something you always wanted is capable of destroying what you really wanted most of all.

Or maybe its just the result of me never knowing what I really wanted.

Even as I type, I keep switching.

I've really got to get used to the fact that I'm already walking down a path.

It just feels like a path into darkness.

4000 or 40000, they didn't even try to make it less obvious that they were suppressing actual numbers.